I am remiss...in not extending my thanks to you for you comments and advice from
1/7/09~

This situation is still "going" believe it or not! I think as of last night
this is where things are:

The insurance company offer is actually more financially attractive than
last time.
I did negotiate a very small amount of flexibility into the job but they are
not willing
to have me less than full time for the time being...bummer, however...
What I did get is M, W and every other T an 8-4:30 (rather than 8:30-5)
schedule so that I can still get my 10 year
old to Tae Kwon Do MYSELF (some people would be relieved to hand this trip
off to others, I am not
one of them.)
I was able to enlist one of his classmates and Scouts moms to drop him at
home after school each day
as they live in our neighborhood. She was amazingly nice about it and
wouldn't even take gas money. He will have a key and let himself in each
day but even on the days I work until 5PM he will only be there alone for
about an hour and a half or so (he gets home from school at 3:30)--just
enough time
to let the dog out and play with him, get a snack and get his homework done.

My current employer truly wants to keep me but simply cannot pay me more or
offer benefits, particularly with the recession. We have had several long
very mature conversations and she wants to keep me on as a paid consultant
(either on a monthly retainer or paid hourly) to her company.
This would involve some weekends and evenings but I will be working on
bigger long range projects that I enjoy and have already laid out and have a
passionate vision for. I will remain connected to her and the company for
as long as we both need and want the relationship, with the caveat that if
we totally take off she intends to "steal me back" from the insurance
company! (While this seems a bit fantastic I have seen amazing things
happen when she is involved which is why I love her so and love working with
her.)

So...I will be very busy but still involved in my son's life--at first I
balked at the afternoon "latch key" thing but he is excited about the new
big kid responsibility and thrilled to death to have his own key! I still
get to take him to both of his activities (scouts starts later in the pm so
isn't a conflict and TKD works with the negotiated schdule mentioned above)
so I don't feel like an absentee mom. AND I will have a nice new salary that
actually pays the bills... and probably more side work than I could ever
want from the consulting firm---I may be able to actually get new carpet in
my house before my son's college graduation!

Thank you for your advice~I felt very stuck and trapped and scared. It is
difficult to see alternatives when you get mired down in the either/or
scenario. This outcome is not the picture that I imagined but it will
work...and it isn't awful by any means... and that is all I can do...the
best I can do... for TODAY. And, also my attitude about all of it is what I
CAN control ie I can choose to be enthsiastic and embrace this and consider
it a blessing and give my best self to it (or not). Yes, I am having to
"give up" picking my son up every day from school but what I am getting
isn't really too far off from that and the burden of my financial concerns
will be relieved. I think so much of acceptance and flexibility has to do
with letting go...I had to let go of what my internal picture was of being
there for my son. I still will be. It will be ok.


PS I don't know if you are a man or a woman but I suspect that you are a
woman. Let me just say that one of the great tragedies of my life was that
I was never close to my mother. In my entire upbringing I never once heard
her tell me "I love you". I know that I am resilient as a result, but I
really could have used a mentor at many points (now even!) in my life.
People need wisdom and guidance and people they can process things with as
they navigate life. I am not sure why you are motivated to maintain this
blog but I appreciate it...I think there are a lot of people out there just
like me. Thanks for meeting a need.

Please let me first say you are not at all remiss. I am not doing this for any reason other than for the benefits I get from it...you know the saying "we all teach what we need to learn", therefore, I believe if I help anyone at all, I am helping myself.

I am thrilled by the way this is playing out. Most importantly because of your attitude about it. Your son will most definitely continue to thrive with your choice to have both financial security and consulting work that energizes you. I bet you'll also see him "rise to the occasion" with a new level of responsibility and maturity--an added bonus.

PS You are so right--we all need people to help us process and navigate. It takes courage to reach out and ask for it. You certainly aren't lacking in courage--and you are very welcome.