Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Dear Truth Teller,

I was walking by two women I know in the hall of our children's school. I just heard a snippet of their conversation, but I couldn't miss the fact that they were talking about a group in which they both belong, that I just happen to facilitate. One was saying to the other, "Are you going Friday?" The woman said, "I hope so, I haven't been there in months." Then the first woman said, "I don't know if I'm going to go, it's gotten so BIG."

My question: Do I just pretend I never heard this exchange? Keep in mind I don't believe in accidents and I feel it's more than a coincidence I "happened" to walk by at that very moment. OR, do I contact the one that's clearly got the beef, and address it with her straight up? AND, if she says, "Yes, I'm unhappy the group has gotten so big," what do I do about THAT?


Dear Conflicted,

Since you believe in "no accidents", I think it's pretty clear how you should handle this situation. Contact the woman who clearly has the beef, and ask her why she is bothered by the bigness of the group. If you believe what she says has validity, perhaps you could split the group into two sessions, or create some other combination of groups. If you don't think what she says has merit (or you just aren't able to accommodate her issues) just say, "I'm so sorry you feel that way--and if you choose not to come, I completely understand".

Let me know how it goes. Love, TT


  1. Great question, and great advice, as always. I think you might also ask the woman what might make things okay for her to come again. Or maybe it's time for a group discussion about the size (if that's the real issue).

    TT - It's so nice to have you back. I've missed you.

  2. Perhaps you could give her your blessing on starting her own, separate group. Malcontents can get contagious fast.