So here it is:
I am a 45 year old divorced woman with 2 sons aged 23 and 10.
Historically I have worked in positively hateful jobs out of necessity,
primarily in the field of insurance. My degree, however, is in education.
I ended up in insurance for no reason other than the need for a paycheck and
benefits.

For two years now, I have been working about 2/3 time at a good wage but
with NO BENEFITS for a small company the specializes in organizational
development
and leadership training seminars. I handle everything aside from doing the
actual
training or consulting. It is the best job I have ever had in my life.
I work from home and have the freedom
to set my own schedule and hours as long as the work gets done and that I am
making
deadlines and appearing at meetings. My boss is fabulous--she trusts me to
get the job done,
listens to my input, has provided actually relevent and helpful guidance
when necessary,
is appreciative and genuinely brilliant (ie I actually admire her
abilities--she is not a fake) and
we are friends. I actually feel like a real grown up in this position.




At what point, however, am I sacrificing my future, my children's best
interests, etc. by seeking my own self improvement? What has happened is
that the insurance company's second choice (after I declined their offer)
did not work out. I was called back to talk to them again and I have no
doubt that in the next 2 weeks I will
be offered the same job again. And again I am positively sick with
indecision. And also, what are the chances of that anyway? Is the universe
telling me something?

I worry that I am being irresponsible keeping my current job---what if I got
sick and had a bout in the hospital? How would I recover the wages from the
lost work and pay the bills with no emergency fund in place? How am I going
to make up that 5K that I earned last year with the government? What kind
of a nimrod am I for not being in a job that provides for my retirement?
Who do I think is going to take care of me at that stage of my life if I
don't plan for it? And what about home improvement matters...my house is
fine now but not too far out from needing big ticket items such as a new
roof--again, no savings...how will that happen?

HELP ME!! Am I entitled to be
happy in my actual work OR is work just work and one should be grateful to
have a job that pays all the bills including saving for the future????
(PS Not to rush you or anything but I have my second interview tomorrow
which means an offer will be pending soon...I would really be able to add
your advice to my thought processes.)
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

Dear Seeker,

You are in one of those rare situations where the universe is unfolding right in front of you and you are actually able to glimpse it. At least part of it. The first thing to remember is that we only have "this moment" and no other in which to live our lives. Therefore, you aren't sacrificing your future by doing something you love, but actually creating the right future for you by doing what you love in each and every moment. When we do whatever it is we are doing with enjoyment and enthusiasm, it creates the kind of energy needed for us to be following our true path.

However, as you have already proven you understand--our lives are no longer our own once we have children-- and we have a responsibility to them to live our dreams, but not at their expense. We must not be reckless. And you've been anything but.

I think you are looking at this situation as if there are only two options available; to go to the "job" for security for your child, or to "selfishly" stay at your dream job. Might I suggest that you are actually in the quite enviable position of being incredibly valuable to BOTH companies.

It is my understanding (and you will need to check this) that in order to be eligible for benefits, one has to work 22 hours per week for an employer.

Here's where some creative thinking --and creative negotiation--is key. Why not (after you are sure they are salivating for you) offer the insurance company the option of gaining you as a valuable employee for 55-60% of the full time salary rate plus benefits and you will do the job in 22 hours/week.. It is a proverbial "steal" for them b/c they don't have to pay you for full time, but they will get the mature, competent, productive employee for a bargain.

Your dream job, if it can be done in roughly the same amount or (maybe a few less hours), will keep you sane, interested and creative. Plus your boss, if she's as together as you say, will totally get why you need to supplement your income and will be supportive.

If you work your schedule right, your child will only need after care two days a week and you will be able to pick him up 3 days a week. You may have to give up some involvement with school, but hey--that's why you're paying them!

I think you will be pleasantly surprised at how flexible and willing people can be. There are other options I can think of as well, because I truly believe that combining your need to follow your dream with your need to be a responsible parent CAN be accommodated.

The Truth Teller